Okay, so we're not saying turn up at these academic gatherings dressed in black and chanting last week's notes but without sounding boring, save inconsiderate and disrespectful behaviour for the bar!

1. Attendance: You may imagine the lecturer doesn't know you from Adam but poor attendance rarely goes unnoticed. Plus, if your attendance has been enthusiastic, when it comes down to dishing out essay extensions, your "my dog's got to go to the dentist" excuse will be greeted with more grace than if you've been a constant no-shower.
   
2. Be prepared: Shouting 'Lend us a pencil!' across the lecture theatre is never appealing, so do try to turn up with pen and notepad handy.
   
3. Lateness: Not only irritating to others but rather embarrassing for you too. You know what we mean: the sudden realisation that 200 pairs of eyes are focused solely on you. Suddenly, you feel the compulsion to move like you're the first man on the moon, cheeks redden, your shoes squeak - you get the picture. If you are late, do it in style, i.e. quietly and with minimal fuss. Don't whatever you do, don't start apologising - this will draw attention to your misdemeanor and make you look like a poor man's Hugh Grant. Not good. If you have to leave early, do so quietly. Don't make a melodrama of putting your coat on and make sure you're sitting close to the exit.
   
4. Farting: Come on, how old are you?
   
5. FORBIDDEN! Sleeping, reading, eating, yawning, rolling of eyes, giggling, smacking gum, sarcastic commentary to thy neighbour, writing 'comedy' notes and knitting. If you must indulge in any of the aforementioned activities, subtlety and timing are the name of the game.
6. Talking: If you really have to discuss the physical fitness of one of your fellow attendees, consult your neighbour during a slideshow or film. During the brief blackout, the lecturer is all ears but cannot see. If you're caught out by a sudden surge of light, it's time for the big blag - make out you were discussing the finer points of the "fascinating" film and adding "Is it available at Blockbuster?"
   
7. Seating arrangements: If you sit at the front you're seen as a 'suck', sit at the back and you're branded a 'skiver', sit in the middle and no one will cast cruel aspersions.
   
8. Questions: NEVER EVER ask a question that warrants a 15-minute answer 5 minutes before 'home-time'.
   
9. Mobiles: Turn your mobile to 'vibrate' / ringer off - unless you want to be beaten up by boffins after school!
   
10. Note taking: It's sometimes better to LISTEN to what is being said than trying to scribble down every syllable, or simply add brief, additional notes to handouts and consult the recommended reading later.
    
11. Conserve energy: Tape your lecture with the help of a swish little Dictaphone.
    
12. Discussions: Yes, it's healthy to debate in seminars but don't launch into a dull diatribe, bore half the class to death, all in the name of massaging your ego. Open-mindedness is a uni essential, so neither make grandiose, sweeping statements (you'll look like a fool) nor aim your argument at one specific attendee (you'll look like a cruel fool).
    
13. AND FINALLY: Wait till the lecture is officially OVER before shoving your papers manically into a rucksack and discussing what you're going to have for lunch - LECTURERS HAVE FEELINGS TOO